Bachelorette and bachelor parties, hen and stag dos
How to collect money for a bachelorette party or hen do
Start a Pot and share the link in the planning chat, so everyone puts in before anyone books. Small costs go through on their own, the house needs the group's OK, and what's left comes back. The guest of honour isn't in the Pot, so it stays a surprise.
- No app to download
- Free to start, join and spend
The problem
The maid of honour shouldn't be the bank
Usually one person books the house on their own card, then spends weeks chasing everyone for their share, all in a chat the guest of honour mustn't see. Collecting first fixes that, as long as nobody has to hold the money and everyone can see where it goes.
Fronting the house
A house or a big table often has to be paid weeks ahead, and one person's card takes all of it.
Chasing everyone
Reminders in the chat, screenshots of payments, and a spreadsheet of who has paid what.
Keeping it a surprise
All of it has to happen somewhere the bride or groom won't stumble on it.
How it works
How to collect money for a bachelorette party with Pot
Five steps, from the first message in the planning chat to everyone's share back.
Step 1: Start a Pot, without the guest of honour
Give it a name that doesn't give anything away, like Lake House Weekend, and set a suggested amount each, like $250. It's only a suggestion: nobody is charged.
Step 2: Share the link in the planning chat
Post it in the chat the bride or groom isn't in. Friends open it in the browser they already use, see the Pot and its rules, and join. There's nothing to download.
Step 3: Everyone puts in before you book
Each person adds their $250. The Pot shows who has put in, so the maid of honour or best man doesn't have to chase.
Step 4: Book the house with the group's OK
Anything over $300 needs more than half the group: with 8 friends that's 5 approvals, and the person asking counts as one.
Step 5: Pay for the weekend, then share back what's left
Decorations and snacks up to $100 go through on their own, and one OK from another friend covers up to $300. Afterwards, the group approves closing the Pot and everyone gets back their share.
Worked example
A lake house weekend for eight, to the cent
Eight friends each put in $250, enough to cover the bride's share too, under the rules every new Pot starts with. Here's how each cost was approved, and what each friend got back.
| What | Amount | Left in the Pot |
|---|---|---|
| Everyone puts in $250 | + $2,000.00 | $2,000.00 |
| 8 friends, before anything is booked | ||
| The house, asked for by Chloe | − $1,200.00 | $800.00 |
| Needs 5 of 8 approvals, and Chloe's own request counts as one | ||
| Decorations, by Bea | − $60.00 | $740.00 |
| Goes through on its own: it's under the $100 instant limit | ||
| The dinner, by Amara | − $280.00 | $460.00 |
| Needs one OK from another friend: it's over $100, up to $300 | ||
| For each of the 8 | Amount |
|---|---|
| Put in | $250.00 |
| Their part of the spending | − $192.50 |
| Gets back when the Pot closes | $57.50 |
Etiquette
Who pays for what at a bachelorette party
There's no single rule, and every group is different. These are the things worth agreeing in the chat before anyone books.
Agree the amount up front
Share the rough plan, what it costs and the amount each before anyone books. People can say early if it's too much, instead of struggling quietly later.
Decide on the guest of honour's share
Many groups split the bride's or groom's share of the stay, dinner and activities between them. Whatever you decide, say it up front and build it into the amount each.
Offer a lighter option
Not everyone can do the whole weekend. Let people join for part of it, like the dinner only, and put in less.
Keep every cost visible
When everyone can see what was spent and why, nobody has to ask awkward questions. In a Pot, every spend shows who asked, how it was approved and what's left.
Square up straight after
Don't let leftovers and IOUs drag on for months. Close the Pot when you're home, and everyone gets their share of what's left back.
Hen do or bachelorette?
Same idea, different words. In the US it's a bachelorette or bachelor party; in the UK it's a hen do or a stag do. Whatever you call it, it works the same way in a Pot.
Rules that fit
The right rules for the weekend
Start with the rules every Pot has. Change them when you start the Pot, or later if the group agrees.
The weekend itself: keep the defaults
Anyone can spend up to $100 at a time without asking, and up to $200 each in total.
That covers decorations, snacks and taxis. One OK from another friend covers up to $300, like the dinner, and the house goes to the group.
Book only when everyone's in: set a goal
Collect $2,000 by the booking date, all or nothing.
Spending opens once the goal is reached. If it isn't, everyone gets back exactly what they put in, automatically.
Covering the guest of honour: put it in the amount
Suggested amount: $250 each.
Work the bride's or groom's share into the suggested amount, and say so in the chat. It's only a suggestion: nobody is charged, and anything unspent comes back.
Questions
Questions about paying for a bachelorette party or hen do
How do you collect money for a bachelorette party?
Agree the amount each, then collect it into one place before anyone books. With Pot, whoever is organising starts a Pot and shares the link in the planning chat, everyone puts in their share, small costs go through on their own, and the big bookings need the group's OK.
Who pays for the bride's share?
Often the rest of the group does, split evenly, but there's no fixed rule. Agree it before anyone books and build it into the suggested amount each. The bride or groom doesn't need to be in the Pot at all.
How much should you pay for a bachelorette party?
It depends on where you go, for how long, and what everyone can afford. Add up the stay, travel, food and activities, add the guest of honour's share if you're covering it, divide by the number of people, and agree it in the chat. Anything unspent comes back at the end.
What if someone can't pay the full amount?
They can put in less: the suggested amount is only a suggestion, and nobody is charged. When the Pot closes, what's left comes back in proportion to what each person put in, so someone who put in less also pays a smaller part of every spend.
Can we collect the money before booking?
Yes, and it's the easiest way. Set a goal with a date and turn on all or nothing: spending opens once the goal is reached, and if it isn't, everyone gets back exactly what they put in.
Can a Pot be our hen do or stag do kitty?
Yes, a kitty with rules. Everyone chips in before the weekend, drinks, taxis and snacks up to $100 can be paid from it without asking, bigger things need an OK, and everyone can see every spend.
Is it free?
Yes. Starting a Pot, joining one and spending from it cost nothing: Pot covers the running costs.
Start the weekend's Pot before anyone books
Leave the guest of honour out, share the link in the planning chat, and let everyone put in. Nobody has to front the house.